Clit-Orations

I am the baby of the family, youngest sibling to three brothers. A surprise baby, I was born years after anyone had any idea of having more kids. My eldest brothers, Mark & Saul, were out of the house before I was five and even Jeff’s a whopping eight years older than I am.

Growing up, everyone called me “Baby Girl” — including people outside our family, who called me “Baby Girl [Surname]“.

Until I turned twelve, that is.

It was at that time that the candy giving changed. Even if my body hadn’t quite blossomed (and some might still be waiting for my ittie bittie titties to grow-in — but they won’t, ya’ll; that’s the way they is), there were subtle changes… I became not only longer in leg, but in tooth, as they say. I started to not only know the score, but what the game was all about.

It wasn’t the magic number “12″ or maturity’s hormones which had me growing up, but life at home.

Momma caught Dad sniffing some other woman’s panties.

All hell broke loose, as you can imagine. Mom left and took up with men years her junior who she treated like slaves — and they only adored her for it. Dad bellowed and stormed around, rather like a wounded boar. He put himself inside the bottle, and then sobered up when he realized “his Patsie” (her name is Patricia, and he’s always called her “Patsie”; it is not to mean she was a patsy) wasn’t going to come back to some slob she’d have to take care of. Now & then she “comes home”, let’s him wait on her & submit to her, and then, when he fails her, she’s off again with some buck with a proper attitude (and some money doesn’t hurt either).

It’s been a decade of watching my parents perform this strange dance of submission, denial, and love — which literally continues to this day. The details of which may become another post; but for now, let’s return to me.

Finally seeing my parents’ relationship for what it was, how it worked, and what it meant was not just an eye-opener about them or even relationships in general — it was self-illuminating. At that moment, their relationship did not die or really even change, but become crystal clear to all of us. And it helped me see myself better.

I wasn’t going to remain anyone’s “baby girl” — I was far too powerful for that. And it all had to start with a name change. At the age of 12 I became what I could; I made them stop calling me Baby Girl and call me Miss Angel.

“Baby Girl” didn’t die some tragic death, wasn’t part of childhood’s innocence lost and all that crap; “Baby Girl” never really existed, you see. She was an idea, or the ideal, of others; but she wasn’t me.

Now I seethe when I’m called “Mistress” or “Goddess” because those are generic terms for generic women, in generic roles. I don’t “play” that way; I have my own games, my own rules, my own role. So you will call me The Celebutaunt or Mock-tress or whatever name I tell you to address me by. Got it? Good.

1 Comment | Tags: panty sniffing, power play, submit to your mistress, trailer trash

Just a snippet from Mistress Magick’s brilliant post, Pseudo-Subs: Fantasy Wankers:

Top sign that you might be a Fantasy Wanker:

Do you keep changing the conversation or redirecting it back to your own desires/fantasies?

Real Submissives focus on their Mistress’ desires, revealing theirs as she is interested in hearing them. It is her job to weave them into their play in ways that they can both enjoy.

Fantasy Wankers focus on their own desires, but think that their dreams should automatically be a “service” to a Mistress, because it is in their fantasy. In reality, She may have not interest in that activity whatsoever. These are often the guys who should go to Pros, in that they are expecting a service: to have their fantasy acted out exactly as they desire.

Many Fetishes can fall into this category, in that they need their fetish to be done in an exact way in order for them to enjoy it. Even though they may be very sincere, they aren’t actually submissives, because they aren’t submitting to the desires and service of their Dom/mes.

This gets a hearty, “Amen!” from myself, and, I daresay, the rest of the dominant females here at Clit Orations. But that’s not the only reason I share it.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions along the lines of, “How do I get my wife to dominate me?” Or, more accurately, they whine, “You’d think they’d want to boss me around and make me do stuff…”

But you see, that’s the problem; many of you male subs — especially those whining thus — are not really dreaming of doing her bidding. You are dreaming that she’ll do your bidding, bossing you around just the way you want it.

In BDSM circles, this is called “topping from the bottom” — and it’s an exhaustive subject, both in terms of the vast material and conversations going on about it and the dull, annoying repetitive energy a professional Domme like myself must put into it.

As Mistress Magick points out, this wishing vs. reality can be a chronic problem for any fetishist. One one hand, there are (usually quite) specific requirements to your kink and you dream of having them met; on the other, this rigidity can spoil things when the fantasy is taken out of your head and into real life. And when you try to take this sex fantasy into your vanilla partnership, the rigidity only adds performance anxiety to the other pressures and concerns.

As Mistress Magick also states, this is one of the reasons many male submissives seek the professional paid services of a Femdom — for the chance to live out their fantasies. But…

Not every professional Femdom, Dominatrix, etc. will provide that service. Or, if they are willing to deliver your fantasies and not expect you to submit to their whims, they may not be willing to provide the specific submissive fantasy delights you dream of.

After all, not all subs &/or sissies are alike, so why would Femme Dommes be?

It’s best to ask some questions, shop around even. And you must also be open to listening to what the professional has to say; if she’s truly a professional, she knows what she’s doing.

For those of you who have “played” with other Mistresses, professional or not, please kindly remember that trying to recreate those experiences with another partner is not likely to succeed.

I don’t think there is a woman (or man) anywhere who enjoys being compared to another and found wanting. So if & when you decide to take your submissive sex fantasies to your wife or real life lover, kindly remember your place as well as hers — and give her the chance to lead.

1 Comment | Tags: dominant female, how it works, power play, real world fantasies, sex fantasies, sexpert wis-domme, submissive husbands

In Those Kinky Goth Girls Caroline defines kink:

Kinky is deviancy: sexual deviancy (in my eyes). One can’t be any more precise than that; the ’strength’ will vary according to the perceiver’s norms, values and life experience.

Which is probably the most reasonable definition I’ve heard yet for such a subjective term.

She also discusses kink and feminism, saying:

They don’t sit easily together.

Why? It’s complex. Sometimes though, it feels like “we” are being accused of not looking beyond what facilitates sexual agency and empowerment, whereas sometimes I’m not sure “they” look beyond their own perceptions of what ’sexy’ involves. Why is dressing sexy bad? Because, they might say, it panders to the male’s perception of what is sexy. But why does that necessarily involve submissiveness? And why not look deeper into that - is it male? How do males really interpret sexy? Why is sexuality interpreted in terms of gender, does it need to be? I think it might be grand to look beyond that and poke at it a wee bit…

I must admit, I hear comments regarding my “posing” as a strong woman, a feminist, while “pandering as a Domme”.

There’s much to explore here, and like my earlier post it has much to do with over-simplified definitions & over-whelming expectations, but I must table it a bit while I recoup from the weekend of travel.

No Comments | Tags: dominant female, how it works, myths, sexpert wis-domme